The Death of Polite Society

I have 100 other things I should be doing right now. But, I'm incredibly distracted and won't be able to refocus until I purge. Polite society is officially dead. Forgo the paddles, roll away the respirator, there is no hope- she's dead as a door nail.

The social climate is much different today than it was 50 years ago. And worlds different than it was 100 years ago. So, we can't really expect Emily Post's etiquette rules to apply as seamlessly today as they may have in the last century. We are a much more casual society. It used to be considered taboo to even mention a friend's name while out in public. Discretion was of utmost importance. Now we have people who broadcast their entire lives on reality tv. Outlets such as Facebook, Twitter, and blogging have allowed us to throw our thoughts and opinions at anyone and everyone. For better or worse, what's acceptable has changed. Social media isn't designed to mimic polite dinner conversation. How entertaining is it to read a polite, unoffensive facebook update? The interesting posts are the ones with discourse, controversy, or inappropriate humor. Things have changed. I love reality tv and I love Facebook. So, although both may represent the breakdown of a civil society, I'm not mad at it. I can enjoy my train ride into this boorish existence with the rest of you. But, there are some things from the ghost of polite societies past that I refuse to loosen my grip on. These are non-negotiable musts. If these don't start to make a resurgence, I'm seceding from society and becoming a recluse.

1. Offer up your seat If you are sitting (waiting room at doctor, waiting on a table at dinner, wherever)and someone walks in with gray hair, pregnant, or holding a small child- offer them your seat. Always, period, the end.

2. Hold the door This is not one of those mysterious rules of etiquette that no one is aware of. Unless you are a jackhole, you hold the door when someone is behind you. Don't be that person who just lets it shut. And if someone holds the door for you, look them in the eye and say thank you. Don't just walk out like you are royalty. Here is the tricky part- how far behind you should someone be before you let it shut? We've all been there. Awkwardly holding the door and the person feels the need to jog up to the door. 10 ft or more behind you- awkward. Unless they are old, disabled, or in uniform. In which case, I would slow my pace, so that I could hold the door without creating the weird jog to the door situation. Ditto all the above for elevators. If you can see them, hold the elevator.

And one more thing, this is something my dad and my nephew are both very good at, when there is a group entering a place- men (or boys even) hold the door, stand back, and let everyone walk in. Don't open the door, walk through, and release the door to the person behind you. Be a gentleman. I realize women aren't supposed to want that anymore. But, I don't care. There is nothing more disgusting than an ill mannered man and nothing more adorable than a young boy who knows how to be a gentleman.

3. Eat dinner as a family I did not eat dinner on a couch in front of a television until I was living on my own. Growing up, we ate dinner- every single night- at the dinner table. It is where I learned basic table manners- Don't wear a hat, don't sing at the dinner table, and don't eat like a pig at the trough. Which fork to use when, which glass for what- Unless you plan to dine with the queen, none of that matters. What matters is that you can sit down at a table, put a napkin in your lap, take polite sized bites, and chew with your mouth closed. It may be hard to teach that while sitting on the couch watching Honey Boo Boo Child. (Lord save us if those people represent the etiquette knowledge of the masses in America.) A few other bits of dining etiquette- used silverware shouldn't touch the table. It should rest on your plate. And if you are in a fine dining restaurant- they should always serve from the left and clear from the right. If you go to St Elmo's, now you know which way to lean. You are welcome.

4. Say please and thank you It is one of the first rules we learn as a kid, but adults seem to forget how important it is. When you are out to eat and the waitress comes and refills your water, look at her in the face like she exists, and say thank you. When you are rolling through the drive through and the woman taking your money says, "Hi, how are you today?" Say, "I'm doing well, thank you. How are you?" Unless you are my husband, in which case you say, "fine" and shove your money out the window. It drives me crazy. I don't care how she's doing today anymore than she cares how I'm doing. But, it feels good to be nice to each other.

5. Gifts and Thank You Notes I feel like I need to dive into a little bit of old etiquette first before broaching this. When a wedding invitation was received (or more specifically an invitation to the reception), the invited guest knew proper decorum dictated that a gift should be sent whether or not they were able to attend. Brides would register for their china pattern, etc, but broadcasting where they were registered was considered the height of bad taste. It was up to the mother, sister, or friends of the bride to let guests know where the bride was registered when asked. And considerate guests made an effort to find out what the bride wanted. I could spend an entire blog on proper wedding etiquette, so I'm just going to fast forward to present day. Some genius corporation somewhere in the 90s decided to start making registry cards to put into invitations to steer shoppers their direction...and simultaneously trample over what little manners remained. I realize those cards are meant for convenience. But, being polite is never the quick, easy route. It takes time and effort and there is nothing wrong with that. I realize I am the only person in America who is bothered by those cards, so don't send me hate mail. I've thrown many showers and always cringe when I'm given those cards to put into the invitations. I only relent when there are others helping me with the shower and I can blame them. If it just me throwing the shower, those cards go in the trash. I refuse to have my name associated with something I find so crude. Because, all though 99% of people would be more irritated by not receiving the card than by receiving it, there may be one more old soul out there desperately clinging to tradition who gets that invitation and thinks that I don't know any better. I can't live with that. I've went on about this too long. In closing, death to all registry cards. Burn them all.

Now, thank you notes. Everyone knows they should send thank you notes after weddings and showers. Used to, you should send them out within 2 weeks. But, now with fancy honeymoons and such, you really need to send them within a month. But, thank you notes are needed beyond just the wedding and baby stuff. It is never wrong to send a thank you note, but here is a good rule of thumb -anytime someone goes out of their way for you, send a thank you note. It shows you weren't raised by wolves.

Here are my grandma's rules for writing a thank you note:
- It should be hand written- including the envelope
- It should be sent in a timely manner
- It should reference the gift given
- If money was given, do not reference the amount, but say how you plan to use it

Alright, I think I'm done. I feel better. There are far more things I could talk about, but these are the ones that seem to irritate me the most. Oh wait, one more. Don't swear loudly in public. It makes you look like white trash.