I want to punch Jillian Michaels

Okay, so not really. Because...I'm kind of afraid of her. But, this morning, I was really thinking about it.

After a month of procrastination, I finally started Jillian's 30 day shred. With only 31 days until we leave for Spring Break, I have not a moment to waste.

I was at Target one day to buy the Shake Weight- awesome purchase, I know. As I was perusing their work out stuff, I saw that Jillian's 30 day shred was only $10. In big letters across the front it says you can lose up to 20lbs in 30 days. Since I weigh twice as much as Jillian, I took that to mean lose AT LEAST 20lbs in 30 days. So, I bought it.

The idea behind this is circuit training. It is a total of 20 minutes. You do 3 minutes of strength training, 2 minutes of cardio and 1 minute of abs.

Since I am a master procrastinator- especially when it comes to exercise. I waited until I had only 30 days left to complete it. So, today is day 1 of 30.

I got on my exercise clothes, got out my yoga mat and weights and I was ready to go. I quickly realized there is some sort of disconnect in my head- I think I can do anything. There are very few things I think I can't do. This is thanks to a very supportive mother. She thinks I'm good at everything, so I believe her. I went into this workout thinking it was going to be a breeze. I can do anything for 20 minutes! Wrong!

Got through the warm up and was already breathing heavy. This wasn't boding well. Did my 3 minutes of strength- burned, but I did it. Barely got through my 2 minutes of cardio and learned that I need a better sports bra. I spent those 2 minutes trying to figure out if these girls had fake boobs or if their bras were just made out of steel. Why don't their boobs move? While doing the jumping jacks, I had to hold onto mine because they felt like they were going to fall off. This was a $50 sports bra from Dicks! Where do you find a better one? Do they make sports bras for girls with big boobs? The boob discussion going on in my head was interupted by Jillian as we moved down to our mats for abs. I was thankful to be able to lay down. Made it through the 1 minute of abs and was ready to do the cool down, only to realize this wasn't the end- there were 2 more sets to go. We had to start all over again. I was hoping the workout was only that 6 minutes and the other14 would be filled with warm up and cool down. No such luck. So, I started round 2 and thought I was going to die. Made it through another 6 minutes of strength, cardio and abs. When they got up to do the 3rd set. I stayed parked on my yoga mat, a hot panting mess. I decided I would let them finish it out on their own and I would just lay there and watch.

I eventually recovered enough to get up and head to the shower. My body had turned to jello. I had no control over my limbs. Managed to take a shower, brush my teeth and put clothes on. Don't ask any more of me today.

I know what is coming. Days of being unable to move without pain. Since I think Trotter would be unwilling to push me around in my grandma's wheelchair for the next couple days, I need to think of something. I'm going to force myself to keep moving- so the lactic acid doesn't get a chance to accumulate.

After lunch today, I'm going to head downstairs and get on the Eliptical for about 20 minutes. Just enough to warm my muscles up. Then when I get home tonight, I'm going to do a light workout on my Wii. I'm hoping if I keep this up for a couple days, I will be able to get through this 30 workout remaining upright and mobile.

I'm expecting big results. We leave for Spring Break March 27. I want to lose 30lbs in 30 days. Lofty goal, I know. But, when you weigh as much as I do, I think it should be within the realm of possibility.

Last year, April and I were going on our family vacations a week apart. So, we spent almost 3 months in the gym before we left doing 2 hour a day work outs. I lost 10lbs in that 3 months- crap! I was so frustrated. I cancelled my membership when we got back and haven't stepped foot back in there.

It all comes down to me though. Throughout my life, I have perfected the art of half-assery. Especially when it comes to diet and exercise. I never do both at the same time. I convince myself that if I'm working out, I can eat the things I want. And when I'm restricting my calories, I convince myself that is enough and I don't need to work out. Well, I'm trying to break that. I am going to do it all. Diet, exercise, supplements- all at once. We'll see what happens!
I will report back on my progress and the success of the 30 day shred- but only if it is good news. If I quit or if I don't lose as much as I want to, I will never speak of this again.

Reppin My Hood

So, driving in my car today I caught a glimpse of one of those huge drain pipes that run under the street. After seeing the drain pipe, I started thinking back to growing up in Northern Acres where I would play in such a drain pipe. The neighborhood was like an amusement park. There were always awesome things to do! Playing in the drain pipe was just one of them.

I can remember carrying my boom box on my shoulder (because I had recently seen the movie Breakin) and listening to my Kool and the Gang tape, walking down to New Jenean- as it was known to us Northern Acre-ers- to play in the drain pipes with my friends.

Cynthia, Pepper & Jodi
             

A little bit of background, the neighborhood was huge, or at least seemed that way when I was a kid.  My best friend was Cynthia Cottrell. Her and I were at a bit of a disadvantage when it came to playmates. Our part of the neighborhood, on Acre Ln,  was ruled by boys. Her two brothers, Matt Wagley, the Nash's who lived next door to me and some boys that would come over to the Nash's from Starkey. Boys who were usually mean to us. Here is a short list of some of the things I had thrown at me- rocks, different varieties of bugs, a dead snake and live firecrackers. The firecrackers were thrown at me by Eric Nash. They actually blew a hole in the bottom of my Strawberry Shortcake nightgown- not sure why I was outside in the middle of the day with my nightgown on- but this probably explains why I am afraid of firecrackers to this day. Anyhow, Cynthia and I adapted and played boys games- which involved climbing around in this drain pipe. On occasion, Cynthia and I got to act like girls and play with Barbies. But, it was in secret, under my dining room table, lest it be discovered that we were actually girls who enjoyed doing girl things!

The drain pipes fed into a ditch that was full of cattails. Which, by the way, is where I thought corn dogs came from for most of my childhood. Thankfully, I didn't like corndogs, so I never attempted to eat one of these out of the ditch.

Playing in the drain pipe was great! We would walk down this enormous hill, down into the ditch. Then we would crawl around in the drain pipe until it got boring. Or until I ran out crying because one of the boys had kicked the drainage water at me. There were crayfish and leaches that lived in there. Well, there were rumored to be leaches in the drain pipe. I never actually saw one. But, the fact that it was possible made the drain pipe a scary and awesome place.

On the way back to Acre Ln from the drain pipe, we would stop off in one of the courts. The Gardners, my parent's friends, lived next door to a house with a trampoline. These nice people would let every kid in the neighborhood jump on their trampoline. Today, it wouldn't be possible because someone's parent's would sue when their kid fell off. But back in the 80's, it was all good. They had a big apple tree right next to the trampoline. The goal was to jump as high as you could and pick the apples at the top of the tree.

My sister was responsible for babysitting me during the summer. I was in elementary school and she was in high school. So, instead of hanging out with her friends- she was stuck at home with me. I stayed outside most of the time, but sometimes we would come inside to watch TV. Cynthia and I would want to watch "Today's Special" on Nickelodeon and Stacey would want to watch General Hospital. But, we had a rule in the Bratcher house- whoever was sitting in the green chair (which now resides in my house) gets control of the TV. It was always her. So, defeated, Cynthia and I would head back outside.

Stacey was also responsible for serving us lunch. My dad bought cans of Zooroni by the case, as that was my favorite and I ate it everyday. However, Cynthia and I would still sit at the dining room table and make Stacey get a notebook and pen and take our orders. Playing restaurant was fun for us, not sure why it wasn't for her?

Cynthia lived next door to an empty lot. Between that lot and the next house, there was a ditch with a hill on both sides, so when we would get a considerable amount of rain it would fill up- like a redneck swimming pool. Cynthia and I and the other kids, would put on our bathing suits and grab a raft and play in the flooded ditch for hours. Looking back, it is really disgusting. But, we didnt know any different. Not only did we not have a pool, we didn't have a sprinkler to play in either. Our only option was spraying each other with freezing cold water from the garden hose. So, the warm water in the ditch was a welcomed change.

We had an old radio out in our garage. No stations would come in and it always had the same Toto 8 track stuck in it. Sometimes, Cynthia and I would put on our roller skates (Strawberry Shortcake with red wheels) and skate around the garage listening to Rosanna. Everytime I hear that song, it reminds me of roller skates.

Ignore the dork and the Mustang. The court behind me is where Snow Mountain was in the winter

Winter time was even better. When it would snow, the plows would push all the snow into the center of Kenneth Ct, right across from my house. We always ended up with a mountain of snow. I don't really know how tall it was, but it seemed like it was 50ft high. The boys would always climb to the top. I was too afraid. But, I would climb as high as my fear would let me and then hop on my sled and head down towards the pavement. Snow mountain was the greatest.

 One winter my dad tied the sleds to the trailer hitch on the van and pulled us around the neighborhood. Again, not something you could get away with now, but it is my favorite sledding memory.

When we got a lot of snow, we would go over to Betty Happ's house. The snow would make huge drifts in her yard up against the Comers' fence. We would dig out tunnels and make snow forts in her yard.

Also, in the winter, the corn field behind us- which I believe is now Highland Springs- would freeze over. You could go out there and slide around like you were ice skating. The corn field belonged to Mr Gosh. The only time I was allowed in it was in the winter. During the summer, my parents had warned me that I could get lost in the corn and there were big machines that drove through it and it could be a very dangerous place. I was afraid of Mr Gosh, and this only added to the fear. I never met Mr Gosh, my fear of him was created by the stories made up and told to me by the kids in the neighborhood. I had heard if you went on to his property he had a shot gun he would fire in your direction. As proof? A sign hanging on the edge of his property that read, "trespassers will be shot." There was also a story about a building on his property, in the woods beside the corn field. The story involved two teenagers that had gone into the woods to that building to make out. Mr Gosh found them and shot them and their bodies were still there- haunting the place. This story was no doubt made up and told to us by the older boys, my sister's age, that lived by us. But, I hung on every word. I have a memory of going into the woods and seeing the building, but being too afraid to get near it. I'm not sure if I actually did that or if that memory is really just the images created in my head while hearing the story.

Not only did we have the stories about Mr Gosh, there was a rumor that there was a witch in our neighborhood as well. She lived on David Ct. The houses on David Ct had back yards that backed up to mine. So, I could see her house from my back door. Everyone was afraid of her, although I'm not sure how the story got started. Again, probably older boys. She lived alone, was rarely outside and had a gazing ball in her yard- probably used to predict fortunes or spy on the neighborhood kids. When we were on that street, we would stop and stare at her house, possibly waiting for her to fly out on her broom and grab one of us for her lunch. On Halloween, I was always scared to trick or treat at her house.  But, one year, with my friends beside me, I worked up the courage. When she came to the door, I was shocked. She was not horribly disfigured, she didn't have a green face and a wart on her nose. She was younger than my parents and had pretty blonde hair. She was pleasant to us and gave us candy. All of a sudden, I had to question the story of her being a witch. Was everything I knew to be true a lie? I came to the conclusion she most certainly was a witch...she was just in disguise. I knew for a fact she could change her apperance- since I had also heard she could turn herself into a bat- Clearly we had witches and vampires confused.

David Ct branched off of Old Jenean. On that street and Shelia, the next block over, lived the girls who went to St Malachy. We weren't fond of each other. It was like a little girl version of the Sharks and the Jets- or Bloods and Crypts for those not into theatre. Whenever we would walk down their street it was because we were looking for trouble. I had recently learned to cuss- thanks, no doubt, to being on the boy end of the neighborhood. So, whenever we would encounter each other, I would drop whatever "cool" words I had learned on them. Gina, however, always put me to shame. She was always quicker with a comeback, so she would win. My problem may have been after I ran out of new cuss words, I resorted to what I knew..." Baby, baby 2x4. Couldn't fit through the bathroom door. So, you did it on the floor. Licked it up and did some more" or "I know you are, but what am I?" Not really great comebacks. Eventually, I was tired of losing and the battle ended.

One of my favorite features of the greatest neighborhood on earth- the dirt track. These were paths that wound through the empty field by Mr Gosh's corn field. The boys would head out there to do tricks and be cool on their Mongooses. I would show up there with my Blue Angel bike. It had a banana seat with pictures of clouds, blue and silver streamers coming out of the handle bars, a basket with plastic flowers on it and a horn installed by my dad. It was a beauty- and probably why I had rocks thrown at me on occasion. The best part of the dirt track- it connected Northern Acres with Starkey, where my grandmother lived. I could head out there and ride over to grandma's house without having to get out on 267.

We eventually got old enough to ride our bikes "the long way" around the neighborhood- which consisted of Acre Ln turning into Jennifer Ln turning into Kathy Dr. It made one big circle that was about a half a mile. By that time, I had a 10 speed. It was a junior 10 speed because I was short- but a 10 speed nonetheless. That was about the time I made friends with the Denhart girls on Kathy Dr. Plus a boy named Chad Beck moved into the court across the street. We all had fun together. I can remember riding my 10 speed out of the neighborhood across the corn field to Yeager's (Phillips 66) to get candy with Chad. I didn't get caught, so the next time we went further and rode all the way to Kmart. Ya...then I got in trouble. Rather then going under 74, we went over it. Thankfully, it wasn't as large and busy as it is now and we made it back alive. Only to get killed when I got home.

But, my all time favorite part of Northern Acres- my house. I have memories of every inch of the house and every inch of the yard.

Where I learned to stand like this

Where Santa always found me

Where I learned to play the piano...and copy my sister.

Where my sister dressed up as Little Bo Peep to go to prom


We left northern acres the summer before I started Jr High. My parents built a house in Pebblebrook. I was excited to move. We were moving into a much larger house, so it seemed exciting. Until we got there. I wasn't old enough to drive yet, so I was stuck at home alone with none of my friends. I remember my dog, Sheena, going into a state of depression after we left Northern Acres. She had left the only house she had ever known and she wasn't adjusting well. I could sympathize. We were miserable together. Eventually, things got back to normal and I settled into my new house. Thankfully, I didn't have to completely abandon the neighborhood that I loved. Jami still lived there. So, throughout junior high and high school, I was still spending most of my time in my old neighborhood.

When I was 21, the house went up for sale. I was dying to see it. So, my husband (at the time) and I went to check it out. We pulled in the driveway and the pergola my dad had built on the front porch was gone. I started crying and it only got worse from there. We went inside and nothing looked the same. The house seemed so small and was so different. The kitchen had been remodeled. I couldn't even recognize it. I went into the family room and looked out the backdoor and the barn my grandfather had built had been moved and was sitting on top of Pepper's grave. At that point, I went from crying to sobbing- in front of this real estate agent who had no idea what was wrong with me. We went back into the bedrooms. I went into my sister's room first, then my parents. They looked so different. I went into my brother's room and the walls were painted black and there were cracks in the drywall. It was obvious the people who lived there didn't love the house as much as we had. I went through the Jack and Jill bathroom, my brother and I shared, into my room. The built in shelves and desk my dad had built were gone. By this point, I was sobbing so hard I couldn't speak. I made it out to the car and cried the whole way home.

I was at a complicated time in my life. I was married to someone who was so wrong for me. I got pregnant shortly after marrying him and started realizing that my child was not going to have the same kind of happy childhood I had. That isn't the way it is supposed to work. Going into my favorite house, that was the backdrop of all my happy childhood memories, reminded me of how I had failed this child. Hence the hysterical crying. Going into that house today, I would not have that same reaction. 

For years, before seeing the house in 1997, I would have recurring dreams of breaking into it to see what it looked like. At least once a year, I drive past it. I still miss it. I don't want to live there anymore. That was a different time in my life, that I can't recreate. Things change. I'm not a fan of change, but I've learned to adjust to it.

Although I still love Northern Acres and cherish my house at 33 Acre Lane, I understand it wasn't the house that made my childhood memories so happy. It was my family.

And, for all of you who lived in Northern Acres with me, you are part of my favorite memories. I have a million more stories I could tell about my neighborhood and the kids who lived there with me. But, I'm stopping with these...for now :)

From my perspective...on the couch

This blog entry was written by my incredibly handsome and eloquent dog, Mr Rosco VonWilhelm Trotter. First a brief introduction. Rosco has reached the very wise age of 11. He is an esteemed food critic and a fan of the arts (sleeping, napping and resting).

And yes, I realize I am insane.

Good afternoon fellow blog readers-

I have very much enjoyed reading my mommy's blog and have now decided to test my skills as a writer. I wanted to share some important things I have learned in my long 11 years. Things I think could benefit everyone- even if they are of the human variety.

Although I am malodorous, have an unpleasant, continuous cough and love to eat sticks, poop and snow, don't let that deceive you. I believe I have some wisdom you will find beneficial. So, please take these little nuggets of wisdom and apply them to your own life.

Never do something yourself if someone else is willing to do it for you.

I have chosen to live by this mantra and it has always served me well. I prefer not to walk from one spot to another. No matter how short the distance. I have learned if I stand in one spot long enough, people lose their patience and put me on my magic dog bed that transports me everywhere I wish to go. I no longer have to make the long walk from the couch to the back door. I simply step upon my magic bed and get pulled wherever my heart desires. I really enjoy my Marlon Brando-esque figure. In order to keep it, I need to remain as immobile as possible.

The world is your snow cone
When it snows, go outside and eat until your heart is content. Snow is a delicacy that isn't available in the off season. Eat as much snow as you can, while you can. But, stay away from the yellow snow. Although I do enjoy poop on occasion, even I know to stay away from yellow snow.

The louder you bark, the easier it is for people to understand you and follow your orders.
If someone isn't responding quick enough or if they are not following your orders the way you had instructed, just bark louder. It always seems to help them understand that you need something and need it immediately. Continue to increase the volume until they respond.

Savor your snausages
There is nothing more enjoyable than snack time, except maybe breakfast time or dinner time. When you get your snack, don't gobble it down. Carry your snausage back to the rug and play with it for awhile. Throw it up as high as it will go and then pounce on it when it lands on the floor. Then, when you can't wait any longer, enjoy it one bite at a time.

Get at lest 22 hours of sleep a day.
This is probably the most important bit of wisdom I can give you. The correct amount of sleep is vital. I would prefer to get in more than 22 hours a day, but my busy schedule of pooping and eating doesn't always allow for it.  Make sure you set aside time to get your 22 hours in.

I think that covers all the high points. I may choose to write again in the future if I feel I have anymore jewels to pass along.

Until then, nap well my friends.

The Bachelor is a Tool

So, who out there watches the Bachelor? Season after season I keep coming back for more. Who wouldn't!? Crazy, drunken women crying at rose ceremonies? Yes, please!

I have really gotten quite good at predicting who they will end up with. By the first episode, I have already picked out who they will end up with...and I'm always right. The only Bachelor who has ever thrown me was Jason. I just knew he was going to pick Melissa -and technically, I was right. But, then he dumped her on the After the Rose show in what was, honestly, one of the most entertaining/horrifying things I've ever seen on tv. So, it was totally worth being wrong.

This season is a real gem. I watched Jake when he was on the Bachelorette with Jillian. I decided then that I didn't like him. So, when I found out he was the next Bachelor, I was disappointed. Here is my problem with Jake. He is nice, polite, gorgeous, in tune with his feelings and is very much a gentleman. I know, sounds perfect! But, but he makes me want to barf.

I am 34 years old and married. My rebellious phase is long since over. But, Jake reminds me of why I had a rebellious streak. He is a mother's dream. He reminds me of boys I knew when I was younger. They liked me, they were cute enough, and they were super nice. I couldn't stand them! Nice guys do finish last, because they are usually tools. Case in point- Jake Pavelka! There needs to be a balance between being nice and being masculine. If girls were only interested in someone who was nice, polite and in tune with their feelings- they would date their best friends. Testosterone and all the male behaviors that go along with it is what separates the sexes. Jake has shown me he doesn't even have a trace of testosterone. He has ovaries. I spend so much time cringing while watching the show! I just don't understand why these girls don't find him as irritating as I do? Man up Jake, then enough women will find you appealing and you will no longer have to date on national television.

But, these girls like him and everyone deserves love, so here is who I think he should chose- Tenley.

Tenley is just like Jake. They would be perfect for each other. They are both girls. They both love rainbows and unicorns. They are both saccharine sweet. They share the same values. On paper, this is a perfect match. Tenley is the female version of Jake. Well, technically Jake is the female version of himself, but you know what I'm saying.

However, even though they are perfect on paper. He isn't going to choose her. He is going to pick the wretched Vienna!

This woman is horrific. Not sure what he sees  in her, but I can tell from the way he talks about her, she is going to be his choice. Vienna is the opposite of Tenley. She is a spoiled baby- uh, who else was creeped out by her and her father's relationship when they were on her hometown date!? Ick! She has broken off one engagement, divorced one husband after stealing his money to get a boob job...while he was overseas. There are topless photos of her on the internet. She's a skank through and through. She has no redeeming qualities. Jake is a moron and he is intrigued by her, so he is going to pick her. Mark my words, because I have some sort of Bachelor based psychic ability...or maybe it is just because this is what happens every sesason. Nonetheless, they will be split up within a couple months. 

Tenley is the smart choice.  

But, on to next season, my vote for the next Bachelorette- Ali. This was who Trotter thought Jake was going to pick in the end. Yes, my husband loves the show too. It is his secret shame.

Prepare to be amazed at my psychic abilities when Jake picks Vienna and Chris Harrison announces that Ali is the next Bachelorette. My powers are something to be in awe of!

An Inconvenient Lie

I feel the need to drop some knowledge. My last post was light hearted. This one is long and boring. Just a warning.

A friend of mine's most recent FB status discusses the fact that by the end of the day today- all 50 states could potentially have snowfall. That includes Hawaii, Florida and California! Very bizarre indeed. Her status went on to accurately point out if even the tropical states have snowfall, how can the THEORY of global warming still be believed?

Another friend posted this link to explain how global warming is still possible. Here is the story- http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=123671588.

I digress for a moment to provide a little background about myself. I am both a Conservative and a Christian. Both groups can often be depicted as science hating rednecks. I suppose that could be true of certain individuals, but certainly not true of the group in general. I embrace science. I love to know how and why things work. I love having an explanation to something that seems unexplainable. So, when the above article explains that the warming of the oceans is creating more water vapor in the air- I'm on board. That makes sense. However he loses me after that. How does that explain all the snow? If the temperatures were elevated due to global warming- it would be rain we are being pounded with, not snow.

The article points out that you don't need really cold temperatures for it to snow. True, but we have them nonetheless. Indiana alone is 20+ degrees colder than our average for this time of year...with no end in sight. So, I don't need some celebrity who probably has less education and a lower IQ than I do telling me the planet is warming despite what the thermometer in my car is telling me. I trust the thermometer, not the celebrity.

The article points out that ‘climate’ is a long term trend. Again, agreed. However, you can't rule out the weather this year simply because it does not fit into your theory. This summer was the coolest we have had in decades. And we can all look out our window and see what is happening this winter.

Here is the bottom line, weather is cyclical. The trend has always fluctuated between cooling and warming. My dad was telling me recently that when he was in high school there was buzz similar to the buzz of global warming. At that time, everyone was convinced that earth was headed into another ice age because the temperatures were cooling. As we can now see, it was nothing more than conjecture. As this will turn out to be.

Let's take a look at the last 100 years of climate change...

1900 to 1940- the earth was in a warming trend

1940-late 1970s- cooling trend (claims made in the 60s of a new ice age)

1980-1998- warming trend

1998-current- cooling trend

The warming reached its peak in 1998 and we have been in a cooling trend ever since. So many government resources and tax payer dollars were thrown into this theory of global warming that they have no choice but to try and save face. And thankfully (for them), the American people (as a group) are uniformed and lazy. They do not seek the truth. They gladly swallow whatever crap the media, their favorite celebrity or their government feeds them. They don't look at trends or facts. However, it does not take a truth seeker to see the planet is not warming. You don’t have to understand facts or statistics or even science, just stand outside for 5 minutes.

But, back to my love of science. Let's travel back to 7th grade science class. Remember the scientific theory? Based on deductive reasoning and logic. Two more things that I cherish, yet both Conservatives and Christians are said to hate. So, for those of you who forget, here it is…

Step #1- Ask a question-

Is the planet warming?


Step #2- Do background research

See above facts of climate trends over the past 100 years.


Step #3- Construct a Hypothesis

Their hypothesis is that the planet is in a warming trend and will continue to warm until it kills us all.


Step #4- Test the Hypothesis using real world experiments

So far, global warming studies have actually shown to disprove their theory

This is the point where a good scientist would go back and alter their theory. Instead, these “scientists” have chosen to alter the facts to fit their theory. Using climate data that only shows the warming trend between 1980-1998. Ignoring the 100+ years of climate data to suggest that the warming was nothing more than a trend that ended in 1998. In the scientific world, this is called biased interpretation of the results. Had I done such shoddy work in my senior thesis required for graduation from college, I can assure you I would not have a degree.

So, then why are we continuing with this lie? Because there is money to be made.

1. Tell the masses their lives and planet are in danger.

2. Use junk science to support your lie.

3. Spread the propaganda until the masses buy into it.

4. Once they have accepted your lie, exploit them to put money in your pocket.

I’ll say it again, there is money to be made in global warming. Green products, hybrid cars, etc, etc. I am a lover of capitalism, so you won't find me complaining about businesses recognizing an opportunity and using it to make money. Here is my problem- government greed. Greed that is fed from the ever increasing tax dollars of hardworking people. Heard of the Cap and Trade bill? If not, look it up. It is astonishing to me that the government can take a ridiculous theory, dress it up as fact, sell it to the American people and then pass a bill taxing businesses and the American people on something that doesn't even exist.

Here is a very brief overview. The government is setting a cap on the amount of carbon that can be emitted nationaly. Companies then buy permits to emit CO2 (read: the government makes money). That cap will continue to get ratcheted down over time so that less and less carbon can be emitted, costing companies more and more (read: the government makes more money). The costs of these permits will obviously be passed on to consumers. Then to add insult to injury, not only will we the consumers be paying for these permits, we will also be taxed on all items we have in our homes that do not meet the government standard for energy efficiency (read: the government gets to take even more of our money). So, don't let them fool you. It all comes down to money.

A quick sidebar: They are using CO2 for the cap and trade legislature. Here is a funny fact- even the scientist who promote the theory of global warming are stepping away from the theory that it is caused by CO2. Here is some university level knowledge for you. Correlation does not imply causation. At one time, they thought they had found a correlation between CO2 and global warming. They, the supporters of global warming, like to believe that it is our fault the planet is warming rather than it being a normal course of nature that has gone on since the beginning of time. So, somewhere along the line, it went from a possible correlation between carbon emissions and a global warming trend, to an assumption that carbon emissions CAUSE global warming. The most important rule of scientific experiments- correlation does not imply causation! Just because there is a correlation between being tall and high self esteem does not mean that being tall CAUSES high self esteem. So, then why put out a piece of legislature that is based on science that even the scientists who created it no longer believe to be accurate...I think we already covered that.

The "scientists" CYA move to account for fact we are no longer in a warming trend and the temperatures are starting to cool? Call it climate change instead of global warming. Um...ya thanks scientists for exposing the secret of the changing climate. Something we've known for as long as weather has been documented. Well done! I'm glad to see my tax dollars being spent wisely.

So, here is the moral to this story. Don't buy into the hype. Do your own research. People will always sensationalize things that are ordinary. Global warming is no different. It is an unproveable hypothsis that has been adopted as fact. Just like the nonsense they were telling my dad's generation about us heading into an ice age. Sorry, Al Gore. The real inconvenience here is you and your propaganda. Sorry, the whole global warming thing didn't work out for you. At least you still have the invention of the internet to hang your hat on…oh, wait.

Time to get Loquacious

Alright world! Welcome to Jodi's life!

Living in the era of sharing your entire life through Facebook, I notice I have become an addict. An addict to shamelessly exposing my life to people I haven't seen since high school, people I barely know, friends of friends. I love posting the mundane details of my life and blurting out whatever fleeting thought runs through my head with absolutely no consequence. 

So, continuing with the addict metaphore, in an effort to increase my high, I have decided to start a blog. Not only do I still get to say whatever is on my mind to everyone on the planet with the same repercussions as if I had just said it to myself, I get to say so much more than I could on Facebook! No longer limited to 420 characters, I can be as verbose as I please! I will picture myself as an overweight, blogging version of Carrie Bradshaw. It will be spectacular! Instead of discussing the details of relationships and the sexual escapades of myself and my friends in NYC, I will be covering the thrilling topics of things I like on TV or why my neighbors still have their Christmas lights up and plugged in each night.

The first thing on my mind...Toddlers and Tiaras. I always feel grossed out after watching this show, but then why o' why do I have it set on season pass!? I find it cute and disturbing at the same time. I mean, I see the appeal of pageants. What little girl doesn't love getting dressed up like a grown up? Fake eyelashes, are you kidding me!?! I would have LOVED that! I STILL love that! But, when did it become acceptable to dress your 3 year old up like they are heading out to the club? Who was the first stage mom to dress her kid up in copious amount of makeup and enormous hair, slap a bikini on her and tell her to gyrate her hips on the stage and flirt with the judges by blowing them kisses? And how did all the other stage moms decide that was a splendid idea and they would turn their daughters into a pedophiles dream as well and it would become the pageant standard. That's the part I don't get.

I reached a conclusion this weekend after watching a Saturday night marathon (we can address later why my life is so lame that a Toddlers and Tiaras marathon was the most entertaining option on a Saturday night).  And that is- despite the fact that most of the mothers need a visit from CPS and most of the judges need a visit from Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC, I am going to continue to watch the show unapologetically. If only to uphold my tertiary responsibility to the children of these deranged mothers...but mostly for its entertainment value.