I've always suspected that women are the more intelligent of our species. But, why then, are WE not the ones in charge? The captains of industry? The ones making all the important decisions? I've discovered the answer...Hormones! Ours work against us, while men's make them more powerful. It is a cruel, cruel joke.
Here is the basis of my theory. Men's bodies are flooded with testosterone. A hormone that makes them motivated, aggressive and dominate. All things necessary to take over the world. Women are fully capable of these traits, until one thing comes in and wrecks it. Pregnancy hormones. Once these bad boys get released into her system, the female becomes a forgetful shell of what she once was.
This revelation occurred to me this morning as I remembered yet another thing I had forgotten to do. It is very unsettling to have so little control over your neural processes. I used to remember everything! I didn't need to write things down, my brain could handle a very lengthy list of to do items. I was on top of everything. But, sadly that person is gone- at least for now. Although I'm not pregnant, the hormones I've injected myself with have fried my brain just the same. All my friends have told me "pregnancy brain" can last until the child is a toddler. Even worse, some never recover.
So, I started thinking. That is quite an effective way to maintain the upper hand. Way to go, men. Although you didn't think of it, it is quite genius...and the only thing keeping you in power. If the average woman has 2 children, you've morphed her far superior brain into nothing more than a gelatinous holding place for at least the next 8 years of her life- possibly longer. Quite a scheme, indeed.
So, while those of us who lack a Y chromosome are busy making sacrifices to ensure the continuation of our species, men get to go out and take over. But, for my own amusement, here is a small list of why women would be much better at ruling the world, and would most likely be doing so, if it weren't for the effects of pregnancy brain.
-We are not immune to subtly. Men require flashing neon signs. Women can read between the lines. Foreign diplomacy would be a breeze.
-We are not insecure about the size of our genitalia. And because of this, we do not need to defend every threat to our superiority. Looks like someone just saved 80 billion dollars in the defense budget.
-We are biologically programmed to be better communicators. Not only verbally, but non verbally. We can say everything that needs said with our eyes. We don't even have to open our mouths. It is a great way to conserve energy.
- A woman can completely assess an individual simply by looking at their shoes. Thank you CIA background check, but we've got it.
So, enjoy your time at the top, men. As soon as the medical community finds a cure for pregnancy brain, you're finished.
Author's Note:
This post is obviously a joke. Something that entertained me for a few minutes. So, please do not post any variation of the following comment, "Having a child is wonderful and worth any detour in my plot for world domination." Because it will make me
