Don't Squeeze the Charmin

So, I don't normally watch commercials. Thanks to the greatest invention of our time- TiVo- I am no longer forced to watch the stupid crap these companies churn out. However, there are times when it can't be avoided- at other people's houses, while watching live sporting events, etc. So, I feel the need to call out those commercials that are especially annoying.



- Those freaking Charmin bears. Bring back Mr Whipple, please!! I HATE those bears! Their most recent commercials are very disturbing. It focuses on Charmin's ability to leave no specs of toliet paper behind. In my 34 years of life, I have never had left over toilet paper stuck to my butt. Is this really a problem for people? So much so, that they have an entire ad campaign devoted to it? I don't get it and I find it annoying.


- The Stanley Steamer commercial where the dog rubs his butt across the floor. No one likes it when their dog does that, but really woman? She screams TOBEY as if the dog is mauling her kid. He's scooting his butt on the floor, not ripping your kids arms off. Perspective please.


- That new Croc's commercial that talks about how they massage your feet. Those little computer generated orange blobs with faces that massage that woman's feet scare the hell out of me. I'm not sure why, but they are terrifying. Please remove that commercial from circulation.


- Flo! I know people like her. She is slightly amusing. But, I've had enough of her. If we have to have their commercials, I guess I'll take more of the gecko or the cave men. Wait...is that even the same company? Hmph...well who cares. Their commercials are all lost on me.


- Go Daddy commercials. I'm sure I am not their target demographic. Perhaps that is the problem. I understand that big boobs and sexual innuendo get men's attention. However, if you are going to do it, do it like the beer commercials used to. It is less offensive. And really...Danica Patrick is not that hot.


- The Unique Doors and Windows guy that buys the entire hour during Dr Phil. I TiVo Dr Phil daily. So, I don't know what this guy says because I am usually watching him in fast forward. But, fast forward does not erase the image of his helmet hair from my brain. Get a haircut, Blago!


-Extenze Male Enhancement. I'm fairly certain this product focuses on increasing size rather than fixing ED- although they never come right out and say it. I have alot of issues with these commercials, the most disturbing- Jimmy Johnson is their spokesperson. Really!?! Jimmy Johnson!?! He's like 100. Who wants to hear their grandfather talk about his junk? Not this girl!


-Speaking of male genitalia. I hate that Viagra commercial where the guy talks to his reflection about his ED problem on the way to the doctor. Can you imagine how horrifying this is for the person on the other side of the window!? Boys- if you are going to discuss ED with yourself- stick to your bathroom mirror.


- Lawyers & Plastic Surgeons. If you have to advertise during Judge Judy- you probably suck. Save your money, no one is interested.


I'm sure as soon as I post this, I will think of 100 more. But, I'm going to stop because I'm noticing a theme. Alot of body parts involved in the commercials above.