Update on our Journey to have a Child

I'm feeling very tired right now. Emotionally speaking. We've had quite a few changes recently, including some really big ones just this week. An awesome high, followed by what right now feels like a crippling low. I use writing as a way to sort through information I receive and understand how I am actually feeling. Since I no longer keep a diary, this blog has become an important tool for me emotionally. So, bear with me as I process.

As most know, I had surgery in November to remove a large fibroid. Statistically, our odds for conception increase quite a bit in the 6 months following surgery. Then they take a big hit (because of scar tissue) after that 6 month mark. Due to the uterine incisions, we have to wait 3 months for healing before we can actually start trying. We had the green light for the beginning of March. We've spent those months we were waiting (and many months before) eating clean, using supplements to replace vitamins that are very low in my body, and trying to naturally support my thyroid condition. I have an awesome doctor who has helped me make tremendous progress to rectify the issues going on in my body. However, despite every effort, multiple parts of my endocrine system continue to fail. I would see slight improvement and then it would disappear. For those who aren't familiar, your endocrine system is comprised of the glands that control hormone production- like your pituitary, thyroid, adrenals, ovaries/testes, and pancreas. There are other parts to the endocrine system, but these are the ones in which I seem to be having issues. My wonderful doctor recommended a particularly knowledgeable midwife she knows to see what help she could offer.

I met with her on Tuesday. If there were a scale that had natural medicine on one end and western medicine on the other, this woman would fall closer to the western medicine end than I do. I try very hard to stay middle of the road and find the right balance between the two. So, with her being a little more pro-pharmaceutical than I am, I felt a little uneasy. I had to remind myself the suggestion that she may be able to offer help came after months of fervent prayer seeking an answer to this issue. So, I kept an open mind. She ordered multiple labs and thoroughly went through my entire history. We talked about a lot of things going on and what to expect- both positive and negative- and she then sent me home with some tools that would offer a serious boost to our fertility. That was exciting. But, she gave me something even better. She gave me time. She explained to me that it is natural (and possible) for women to have babies into their fifties. The inability for this to happen is a modern problem. I will skip all the details on why fertility has taken such a hit. I could fill an entire blog with that. She reminded me that if you strip any living creature (including humans) down to their most basic features, they are- stay alive and reproduce. Supported correctly, our bodies can accomplish those two rudimentary tasks. The past 10 years of my life have just been a countdown to 40. At 40, the door to having children will likely shut, and we just have to move on. This woman opened that door back up for me. She gave me another 11 years. It changed everything. I could finally exhale.

Then Friday morning, I received an email on a gene mutation linked to thyroid conditions that don't respond to treatment. It intrigued me enough that I decided to read it. It is called the MTHFR gene. It is a very common gene mutation. I've read varying reports on how common- some say 1 in 10 people have some form, some say as many as 1 in 2. But, what stood out most is 98% of people with autoimmune thyroid conditions (both Graves and Hashimotos) have some form of this gene mutation. So, if you have a thyroid condition or suspect you do based on symptoms, I very strongly urge you to get tested for this gene mutation. Warning science ahead...if you are not into that, skip to the next paragraph. And please forgive my crude explanation, I'm not a geneticist, but I will give a very basic description. The MTHFR gene takes up two spots- the 677 gene and the 1298 gene. Research show those with the 677 mutation have an increased rate of certain types of cancer, blood clots, peripheral neuropathy, anemia, miscarriage, infertility, birth defects (most often neural tube, cleft palate/lip, and down syndrome), heart attack, stroke, and thyroid conditions (among other things, the list is much longer than this). Those with the 1298 mutation have increased rates of autism, depression, fibromyalgia, ADHD, IBS, Chron's Disease, OCD, migraines, memory issues, and mental illness. I'm going to skip all the details on what this gene does and how the mutation effects the body. It is far too much info to include here. If you are interested in why this mutation causes such havoc in the body, the internet is full of very detailed descriptions.

After battling infertility for almost 10 years, I have learned to disregard most of what I read. I would (and have) driven myself crazy pursing each thing that came along. But, this one felt different to me. Based on labs I had done previously that lined up with the warning signs, I needed to pursue this. I reached out to the midwife I saw on Tuesday and asked her if she would be willing to order this test for me. As soon as I sent it, I remembered I already had my DNA info. When I was recovering from surgery, I spent a lot of time doing our genealogy. For fun, I ordered the DNA test. After I did a little digging, I found I could download the raw genome data. There are multiple non profits that allow you to upload your raw genome data to their system, they send it back to you in a way you can read. I don't know what they do with my genetic data afterwards. I didn't really care. I just wanted an answer. And I got it. I do in fact have the MTHFR gene mutation. I have what is called a compound heterozygous mutation. Which means I have 1 mutated gene in both the 677 and the 1298 spot. It also means that the series of events that this gene is responsible for in my body is only operating at 50%. Which presents some issues. But once you know you have it, there are ways to work around it. When I got the results back I cried. From relief, not from sadness. I have spent so long clawing forward trying to find an answer, I couldn't help but feel relief to finally get it. Then the reality of it started to settle in. This tiny, little, common mutation has set off a chain of events in my body that has put us in a really bad spot. One that I can't fix with a clean diet, or essential oils, or herbal infusions. This will never go away. If we were to move forward, as is, and start trying to get pregnant the beginning of March as we had planned, the odds are very high we would continue to be unsuccessful. And if by some miracle we were able to get pregnant, the odds are even higher that pregnancy would result in miscarriage or a child with one of the birth defects mentioned above. There are specific medications I can take, things I have to avoid, and lifestyle changes that must be made which will allow me to work around this issue. Then there are additional steps to take during pregnancy so that I would be able to carry to term. So, I'm adding all those in to the stuff I already do. And I have to give those time to build up before I can even attempt trying to get pregnant. At least 4 months. Which puts us outside of our 6 month window from the surgery. That hurts. But, it's not just that. I'm feeling especially defeated today because I believe Trotter has this same mutation. Knowing how common it is and that he has the same abnormal lab results I do- which are linked to this mutation- I know we need to get him tested. I'm just afraid to see the results. It feels like just when I crawl back onto my feet, something sweeps my legs out from under me again. So, finding out he has it as well would just be another painful blow. Battling this from both sides would not be easy. And no amount of clean living can change our genetic makeup. If we're able to get and stay pregnant, we will likely pass these mutated genes on. Is it selfish and irresponsible to move forward having our own child when we know up front we could be saddling this child with some pretty serious issues? I think it probably is. But that doesn't mean I have to walk away from the thing that means the most to me. Because I serve a God that is so much bigger than the defect in my body. He, not our genes, determines whether or not we have a child. And I trust Him without equivocation. I just have to keep ahold of His hand and move in the direction He leads me. God is good. Always.

Our God is bigger than our giants; He is bigger than our circumstances. He has measured out all the earth’s water in the palm of a cupped hand. He has counted the grains of dirt on this earth, and knows the weight of each mountain. He can pick up entire islands as if they are specks of sand. He stretched out the skies like curtains and spread them above our heads as a tent. He placed each star in the sky, and each one shines in its place. Because He said it should be so. (Isaiah 40:12-15,22,26)