I have really gotten quite good at predicting who they will end up with. By the first episode, I have already picked out who they will end up with...and I'm always right. The only Bachelor who has ever thrown me was Jason. I just knew he was going to pick Melissa -and technically, I was right. But, then he dumped her on the After the Rose show in what was, honestly, one of the most entertaining/horrifying things I've ever seen on tv. So, it was totally worth being wrong.
This season is a real gem. I watched Jake when he was on the Bachelorette with Jillian. I decided then that I didn't like him. So, when I found out he was the next Bachelor, I was disappointed. Here is my problem with Jake. He is nice, polite, gorgeous, in tune with his feelings and is very much a gentleman. I know, sounds perfect! But, but he makes me want to barf.
I am 34 years old and married. My rebellious phase is long since over. But, Jake reminds me of why I had a rebellious streak. He is a mother's dream. He reminds me of boys I knew when I was younger. They liked me, they were cute enough, and they were super nice. I couldn't stand them! Nice guys do finish last, because they are usually tools. Case in point- Jake Pavelka! There needs to be a balance between being nice and being masculine. If girls were only interested in someone who was nice, polite and in tune with their feelings- they would date their best friends. Testosterone and all the male behaviors that go along with it is what separates the sexes. Jake has shown me he doesn't even have a trace of testosterone. He has ovaries. I spend so much time cringing while watching the show! I just don't understand why these girls don't find him as irritating as I do? Man up Jake, then enough women will find you appealing and you will no longer have to date on national television.
But, these girls like him and everyone deserves love, so here is who I think he should chose- Tenley.
Tenley is just like Jake. They would be perfect for each other. They are both girls. They both love rainbows and unicorns. They are both saccharine sweet. They share the same values. On paper, this is a perfect match. Tenley is the female version of Jake. Well, technically Jake is the female version of himself, but you know what I'm saying.
However, even though they are perfect on paper. He isn't going to choose her. He is going to pick the wretched Vienna!
This woman is horrific. Not sure what he sees in her, but I can tell from the way he talks about her, she is going to be his choice. Vienna is the opposite of Tenley. She is a spoiled baby- uh, who else was creeped out by her and her father's relationship when they were on her hometown date!? Ick! She has broken off one engagement, divorced one husband after stealing his money to get a boob job...while he was overseas. There are topless photos of her on the internet. She's a skank through and through. She has no redeeming qualities. Jake is a moron and he is intrigued by her, so he is going to pick her. Mark my words, because I have some sort of Bachelor based psychic ability...or maybe it is just because this is what happens every sesason. Nonetheless, they will be split up within a couple months.
Tenley is the smart choice.
But, on to next season, my vote for the next Bachelorette- Ali. This was who Trotter thought Jake was going to pick in the end. Yes, my husband loves the show too. It is his secret shame.
Prepare to be amazed at my psychic abilities when Jake picks Vienna and Chris Harrison announces that Ali is the next Bachelorette. My powers are something to be in awe of!
